The word “Devil” is from Late Latin from the Ecclesiastical Greek word “diabolos,” which translates to “accuser, slanderer.” Old English “deofol” means “a devil, a subordinate evil spirit afflicting humans.” Other names for the devil include “Satan” and “Lucifer.”
A concept or idea can only be explained and taught from the level of overstanding of the teacher. You may have noticed that I say “ovestanding” and not “understanding.”
I say overstanding because standing under something implies a subordinate position, whereas standing over something implies having a superior position.
I believe that the concept of “the Devil” has always been presented and explained to me by people who had some level of understanding about the concept. But all in all, it was something that was over their heads.
Fear of the Devil and God
I also believe that the men and women who taught me about the Devil did so with undertones of fear. These people also taught me to fear God.
But if I am a child of God, created by Him, why fear that which brought me into existence?
And if God created all things, including the Devil, why should I fear anything, including the Devil?
But if I am a child of God, created by Him, why fear that which brought me into existence? I’m sure that most people know the story of Job, so I won’t summarize it here.
The reason that I mention this book is that there was a conversation between God and Satan—a peaceful, civil conversation where a request was made and instructions were given to Satan from God.
I mention this exchange between God and Satan because it showed no ill will or anger between them.
God and Satan’s Relationship
God does not fear Satan, and Satan does not fear God. Satan was created by God just as God created everything else. Their relationship is not one based on fear, because fear has roots emanating from the lack of knowledge.
And there can be no lack of knowledge concerning God because God is the source of all knowledge.
Subsequently, the lack of knowledge that exists in people is why fear of concepts like “the Devil” is understood instead of overstood, creating a perpetual cycle of fear.
Childhood Narratives of Good and Evil
As children, we’re given the story of God, Adam, Eve, and Satan. We don’t get a chance to feel our way around or see the world for what it might really be.
We’re told that one thing is bad and another thing is good. So on a level of spiritual evolution, we end up becoming blind to the acknowledgment of unpleasant events as things that are necessary for spiritual advancement.
A Personal Anecdote
On July 4, 1992, I was standing in my driveway about to shoot fireworks when I realized I didn’t have incense to light them. I went back into the house and told my dad that I needed a lighter or a book of matches to ignite the fireworks.
I went back outside, and a few minutes later, he came out, lit a black and mild cigar, handed it to me, and told me to blow through the plastic mouthpiece to keep it lit.
He intended for me to use the cigar as incense and specifically told me not to inhale the smoke.
A few minutes after he left me to go back into the house, I was sitting on the front porch smoking my first cigar and shooting off fireworks.
I was almost 12, and my father was about to turn 36.
I don’t know if it was the best idea to give an 11-year-old a cigar and then walk away, but I had already experimented with smoking years before with my older sister.
Early Smoking Experiences
My sister and I would be home alone in the summer, and some days we would find ourselves in the woods around our house. We would collect dried weeds and roll them up in cut-out sections of brown bag paper.
My dad would take my sister and me with him sometimes when he would go to buy marijuana. Back then, it was packaged in small brown church offering envelopes.
I would usually be riding in the back seat, and as I mentioned earlier, I was not the brightest child. I would be oblivious to what was going on and would usually fall asleep in the car.
Environmental Influences and Substance Use
I don’t know exactly where my sister got the idea of rolling dried grass and weeds in brown bag paper.
It could have been from my dad, or, she saw some older cousins or young aunts with their friends.
They would have small house parties when my grandfather was on the road driving his 18-wheeler. I grew up watching my father self-medicate with alcohol; alcohol could make him angry.
It seemed everything that bothered him at his core was brought to the surface when he was under the influence of alcohol.
My mother would stand there and argue with him as if he was in his right mind and thinking rationally. Apparently, she wasn’t thinking rationally either.
Childhood Perceptions of Conflict
As a young child, I remember hearing my parents argue and being scared. And as a child, I didn’t fully know what their arguments would be about.
I just knew that I wanted my mother to be quiet and leave my father alone so that I could stop feeling scared. He could be somewhere drunk and off to himself, and she would figure that that was a good time to bring up an issue.
I didn’t like the feeling of wanting to protect my mother from my father. And as I got older, I was able to see the bigger issues that exist between men and women.
I learned not to choose sides because their marriage was between the two of them. To me, my parents’ relationship looked more like a subtle power struggle instead of a loving partnership, and mutual, genuine love was something that I really wanted them to have for each other.
Substance Use at Home
When my father would smoke reefer, he would go out in the backyard behind our garage. If I were outside and a breeze was blowing in a northerly direction, I could catch a whiff of the distinct odor hanging in the air.
For some reason, I knew to call out to him to let him know that I was heading his way. He would respond and say that he was coming up to the house in a few minutes.
I don’t remember having a bad experience with my father after he had smoked reefer.
Early Introduction to Marijuana
I started smoking marijuana in early 1993. It was being called “weed” by then.
The older guys in the neighborhood, the ones in their early and mid-20’s, would have get-togethers and cookouts throughout the year. They would let us younger guys come over as long as we weren’t too loud and stayed on the fringes.
Like in all neighborhoods, we looked up to the generations that came before us and interacted with us. I’m pretty sure the first time I smoked weed, it was rolled in joint papers.
The older teenagers would smoke blunts while we younger guys tried to hang around them. The older teenagers taught us music, fashion trends, and slang, and we learned to roll blunts through trial and error.
The weed man initially refused us, but persistence and cash broke down those barriers.
Reflections on Early Life Choices
I don’t believe I had any other options for my development path.
Football was my first love, and like thousands of other boys, I wanted to play in the NFL. Before reaching the NFL, I had to prove my skills in the sports levels leading up to it.
I had to learn the game, and no one around me knew the game in that way. After gaining the knowledge and understanding that I have now, I realize that I was never meant to play in the NFL.
I also smoked so much weed as a teenager that I couldn’t absorb the game at the high school level. I was on the team and thought I was athletic enough, but I never received significant playing time.
When I joined the military, I was the top athlete in my units and consistently scored highest on the Army Physical Fitness Test.
I knew that I had the potential, but that potential was never meant to be realized through high school sports.
Dreams and Unfulfilled Aspirations
For at least two decades after I had graduated high school, I would have dreams about playing football and even still being at practice after school.
In my waking life, I would sit and meditate and mentally travel back in time to figure out where I went wrong when it came to my unrealized dream of playing in the NFL. I had to go through this process in order to let go of what I was viewing as a missing chapter of my life.
At one point, I blamed “the Devil” for my decision-making during my teenage years.
I feel that I learned to reason in this way because I was taught by my elders that God and the Devil were separate entities that existed outside of us.
The Influence of Religious Teachings
Whenever something unfavorable or unfortunate would happen, it would always be because a person had allowed the Devil to influence their decision-making and actions.
When something pleasant happened, it would be said to be because God had blessed them.
In my situation, me starting to experiment with smoking as young as 7 years old wasn’t something that was evil. It was just the introduction to the life path that I chose before I incarnated.
Falling in with the peer group that I fell in with, smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol before my teenage years was a part of that life path as well. So was the illusion or pull of wanting to be a football player.
Embracing Duality
The events of my early life appear to be on the dark end of the spectrum, but without these aspects of my life, I wouldn’t have grown into who I am now.
The more I allow myself to be open to the concepts of the Devil and God being one in me, the more grounded I become in myself.
I achieve greater balance within myself, and the guilt of my past becomes a looking glass where I can see and overstand the version of myself that knew neither God nor Devil.
I don’t feel pressured to reject any part of myself because society insists that everything must be pleasant.
If everything were pleasant, there would be no adversity to push us toward advancement, innovation, and evolution.
The Tale of Two Wolves
I discovered this ancient Native American tale about the two wolves over a decade ago during my awakening. These two wolves represent the “good” and “evil” in people.
The main purpose of this tale is to advise a person to feed the good wolf. It would have the strength to fight and kill the evil wolf, or at least keep it at bay.
At first, I took the moral of this tale to heart and attempted to starve my “evil” wolf. After a few years of feeding my “good” wolf consistently, I did notice some positive changes in my life.
But my “evil” wolf wouldn’t die. It got weak and laid down, but the whole time I was starving it, it looked at the good wolf with resentment. This created conflict in me itself.
Maybe these two wolves weren’t enemies as I had been led to believe. Maybe they wanted to run and hunt and eat together.
After all, I had these two wolves for a reason. If I acknowledged them both and fed them both, they would contribute. The key here is balance.
The aspects of God and Devil that live in me need each other. I had to allow myself to move beyond understanding and fear, get an overstanding, and evolve.